A sign is not the same thing as proof; a sign is merely a marker for someone who is looking in the right direction.

-Philip Yancey

A couple of chapters later, he wrote this comparing how people in Jesus' day may have reacted to him saying he would rebuild the temple in three days.

"Imagine the reaction today if an Arab ran through the streets of New York City shouting, 'The World Trade Center will blow up, and I can rebuild it in three days.'"

The book was published in 1995. Interesting,

And not a single cavity. The gums look great and they were impressed. I MIGHT need one wisdom tooth taken out. They also suggested I get a normal cleaning before leaving for the Peace Corps.

THE FUNNY THING IS...

It's been 10 years since I've been to a dentist. The last time was in 8th grade about a month before moving out of Alaska. It's times like these that I wonder what else we are "supposed" to do for our health that really just create a profit for someone else. I paid $175 for them to tell me I have great teeth. Yes, I'm glad that we are able to go to dentists and health professionals but I still think we are overly spoiled and scared that something tragic is going to happen.

So far, I've spent:
$180 for an eye exam and glasses that I barely need to see while driving at night
$160 for a physical
$75 for one of the many lab reports
$175 for dental examination
$116 for a Passport (not medical but needed to go overseas)
Seriously, just tell them I'm healthy already
$$$ and more for whatever immunizations, other lab stuff.
Yes, I'm slightly complaining. I also take full responsibility for the fact that I'm having to do all of it. I have enough money in the bank so it isn't a problem to pay for them. So, really, I'm overly joyful for the fact that these things will help me get out of this country. You should see me smiling right about now... *shrugs*

I've been frustrated with life lately. I simply shrug as to not agree with people's small minded ideas, hold my tongue when people complain or are looking to me to agree with them when I don't, shake my head when I hear of how people are doing when they settle for something less than they are worth, get slightly sad as I go through the list of sacrifices going overseas creates yet the benefits are well worth it, and feeling kinda useless. It seems like I am always preparing for the next season (literally since I looked for more cold weather stuff during the Summer for the trip to Alaska in the Fall and then with looking for hot weather in India and Africa). I've decided I also have inferiority issues. I thought my teeth were going to be awful today. I didn't think I would get in to the PC or WMF. I am flawed for sure, but sometimes I'm a little hard on myself. And all this started to pour out with a simple post about going to the dentist...

The summer camp season is winding down and I am so happy about this. I'm deaning a camp starting tomorrow till Sunday and then have to plan group initiative programming for Madison Grant. Two things left.

Interview for Peace Corps is Monday in Chicago. I'm kinda nervous but am really excited. All the paperwork is finished and now we are talking past experience working with people. I looked to see what they are doing in South Africa and it matches what kind of work I would like to do.

I leave on the 18th for Alaska. Hiking, fishing, seeing friends and family I haven't seen in years is going to be amazing. Depending on how the PC interview goes and whatever else happens determines how long I'll stay. I did buy some long sleeved shirts since it has been in the 50's lately. And a piece of luggage. I'm set. Let's go already!

I have finished all required essays for Word Made Flesh and Peace Corps.

It's kinda scary. To think that camp is over in 4 weeks and I have a general idea of what I'm going to do, but not anything concrete. I haven't bought the Alaska ticket yet. I'm going to.

Have you ever had people try to set you up with either a job, guy/girl, or connections to something that you aren't interested in at all? It's kinda funny when it happens. At the end of last summer, people kept telling me about jobs at tanning salons, newspaper routes, because I didn't start working the week after camp ended. I took a week off from work cause I wanted to. I started working two jobs the following week and had my hands full with classes. This year, I'll be leaving camp again and people ask what I'm doing next. Being done with school, I don't have to stick around. I have two jobs I can go back to but I don't really want to.

I realized a few things while at Cornerstone. First, I need to get away from cornfields and go towards hills/mountains and lakes/oceans. Seriously, I can find a job anywhere so I better make the scenery worth looking at. I want to get involved with a church in the junior high/high school section. That whole transition from leaning on your parents to independence and making your friends where you get your guidance intrigues me and I know how vital it is. I realized there are good people everywhere you go and you might be surprised about who knows who.

I made a list of goals for the next year, six months, and month. Basically, I am falling in love with life and the joy it brings. I like the simple life and serving others along the way.

So, I'm throwing some ideas out for essays I can use for the cross cultural experience essay portion of the application to the peace corps. I decided to use the one about Bona Vista. Here's the requirement and then tell me what you think...

Cross-cultural Experience
Peace Corps Volunteers must be open to ideas and cultures different from their own and may need to modify their appearance or behavior appropriately. Give an example (between 250-500 words) of a significant experience that illustrates your ability to adapt in an unfamiliar environment. Please highlight the skills you used and the perspectives you gained. You may draw from experiences in your work, school, or community in the U.S. or abroad. Please list the date(s) of your experience.


The one based on Bona Vista...

“Hey there, Monkey Butt!” Although the majority of us would see this as an odd way to greet a friend, it makes me smile every time I hear it. See, I have worked with the mentally handicapped since Spring of 2005 in the residential group home setting and one of the very first guys I worked with greets me with that and a giant hug every time I see him. We have had many enjoyable experiences between Special Olympics two years, going to Reggie Miller’s last Pacer game, riding roller coasters at amusement parks and completing daily tasks. Working with the mentally handicapped hasn’t always been a bed of roses, but with a desire to learn and taking action, I have gained indispensable knowledge and perspectives on life.

I began working for Bona Vista in March of 2005. I was unsure of what to expect since the only other experience I had with the mentally handicapped was in elementary school. I listened closely to my supervisors and those I worked with to learn how to communicate effectively with the guys in the home. Each individual is very unique in their needs and ways to help them. I had the motivation and desire to learn about the people I would serve. I tolerated ambiguity and asked many questions at the beginning. I was a detective trying to discover what would benefit them the most. I came with an open mind and was able to connect past experience and knowledge to the group home setting. Previously studying Early Childhood Education became useful as I utilized ways to teach reading a clock and playing games that were fitting to their developmental needs. I read books and went to all training to better serve those placed in my care.

They became my adopted family. We worked on helping the guys become more self efficient by learning daily living skills, but we also worked on building relationships and social skills. A few had families that weren’t able to visit. Each Sunday, a different resident and I would go to church and then to my parent’s house for lunch which allowed them to build healthy relationships with people outside the group home. I have always made an effort to help build connections within the communities whether it is a Wednesday night Bible study specifically for the mentally handicapped or joining the cheerleading team. The smiles of pure joy as they partake in something that makes them feel worthy and like an individual softens my heart.

Since Spring of 2005, I have been transferred to five group homes to help share my knowledge and to inspire others working in such a difficult field. I have been kicked, bit, yelled at, and when others would have given up, I stuck with it for I know the difference someone who shows compassion towards others can make in the lives of individuals. Each time I hear “Hey there, Monkey Butt!” I am reminded of such.

the tone and life in some voices combined with music that touches your soul makes a girl in love with life and reaches you somewhere nothing else can


... and if it's a really good male vocalist, it makes you want to fall in love in other ways.

I turned in the research proposal paper 10 hours late Monday.

Internship project from last summer worth 6 credits turned in on Wednesday.

Took my last final tonight (Kinda scared about that one)

But hey, that was the last final I'll have to take for awhile. Yay for being done.

Yet, crap, I really gotta trust God to bring whatever is next.

I am so proud of myself right now. I hate disappointing people or feeling like I'm letting them down. I did it not once but TWICE this week! Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do.

1. I let my boss at Nesting Doves know that I will be leaving for camp in a couple of weeks. I felt really bad because I like this job and my boss needs someone she can talk to. She got teary eyed and then asked if I would be able to come back in the fall. It feels good to know that your boss appreciates your work. I told Bona vista a few weeks ago but it wasn't anything special since I left last summer as well.

2. I got out of my apartment lease. Back in February, I found a cockroach on my counter and had to call the landlord to take care of it. Apparently the guy a floor below and an apartment over dumpster dives and doesn't clean things well. Last night I found 3 maybe 4 cockroachs in my living room. On the door, on the wall, on the floor... all in an hours time. I needed to call my landlord anyways and talk to her about getting out early, but this gave the PERFECT excuse. I told her about it and that I couldn't sleep. She offered to let me move to a newly renovated apartment on the other side of the building but I declined. I'll have to pay up to May 10th and lose my damage deposit but that was only 200 bucks. I've only seen like 50 bucks out of any damage deposit before so I'm not worried. But hey! Nothing legally bad is going to happen which equals to a sigh of relief. When the maintenance guy came to spray, he said I keep my apartment looking good. It's cute and I do like it, but too noisy with the street beside my bed and then there are the bugs from downstairs...


Things are coming together with breaking Kokomo ties. Kinda saddening actually.

1 paper, 1 project, 1 test left. EDIT- 1 paper down

1 week, 1 day till graduation. EDIT- 1 week left

how much space is available for luggage?

is it pretty safe for a single female to do on her own?

what were your longest trips?

any advice, concerns, ideas?

Alaska trip this fall

OR

South Africa trip a year later?



See, I long for the adventure, the change, the freedom, the ability to just go. The time is here and now to do something. In one hand, I have this amazing trip to Alaska that is in reach, but I am having doubts on my intentions. It is a trip that I can control. I have the finances to do it, know people I can stay with, and have a general idea of what would take place.

In the other hand, I have this longing to go to South Africa which has been burning in my soul since 6th grade. In my heart, I have wanted to go there and serve and help those in need. I am fearful though for I have no clue what I would be doing. Raising support, who or what organization to go with, and all that stuff that I don't know about scares me. I only went to IWU for a year and don't feel as skilled or equipped as others who have been trained to do missions work.

The real question is...

Do I stay in the sorta comfort zone and make an adventurous trip to Alaska

OR

Do I trust God to take me on a life challenging, spiritual and physical, journey that I know He placed in my heart years ago but that I have no clue how to do on my own?

A kid at school brought a guitar to the lunchroom. It was out of tune. Badly. I tried playing a few songs, but the sound was screeching and hurt my head. I went home and played my in tune guitar. Much better.

As I'm cleaning the apartment, I'm thinking about all the stuff I'm going to give away and donate. How great it feels to keep as little as possible in storage. After May, I wont have my own little apartment or anything until January at the soonest.

I will be free--
free from paying rent (although I will have travel expenses)
free from being tied down to any one thing
free from after college expectations
free from depending on someone else for my decisions
free from papers, tests, deadlines

I want to--
say hello to fresh air and blue rivers
see nieces and nephews I've never met
make friendships with laughter
go camping and learn how to pee outside
not know the details of what's going on yet have peace
volunteer for different organizations
have conversations over coffee and good music
capture beauty with photography
read books and more books and get their insights
write songs and get over my fear of playing guitar in front of others
be thankful for where I am and where I am going
let God be my compass through out this journey

EEEKS.

Have you ever felt like you are having a bad day without actually having one yourself? Yet, because of the people around you and the difficult/crappy things that are happening to them, you feel as though the world is gonna fail you and you hate how people treat each other. I don't like it. A friend got fired. A boss feels bullied by a board member. I hate it. I'm glad people can feel open and safe enough to share with me, but I don't like being helpless in solving problems. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer.

In the almost ten years that I've been in Indiana, I have lived in 8 different locations for 6+ months each. The country outside of Peru, in town Peru a couple of places, Marion, Kokomo 3 places, and Converse at the camp. Only 5 places, 3 towns, the first 13 years of life in Alaska.

Speaking of that, I either need a subleaser from mid May till December or to get out of the lease of this cute studio apartment before going to camp and beyond.

Where do you draw the line from a secret that needs to be kept and one that needs to be told?

$259 = One way ticket up to Alaska on Aug 27 with Delta
$250 = One way ticket from Anchorage to Seattle in November
$63 = 14 day advance tickets for Greyhound fare from Seattle to Fresno
$700 = Multi destination ticket from San Fran mid December to Hawaii, Hawaii mid January to Indianapolis

Less than $1300 for traveling expenses
free lodging with friends and family
A time of Care Free Adventure? Priceless.

Sean at work said I was “wild”, “wild at heart” and if he didn’t know that I was brought up by a good family that he would think I was on drugs.

I just heard an alarm clock go off... the guy underneath me, also known as a professor at IUK, gets up at 3:30am. Thats craziness!

Boo that it all goes to tuition.